Embracing Vulnerability: A Journey of Faith, Friendship, and Self-Acceptance
The other day, I met up with my high school best friend. For the first time in a long while, I was able to be fully transparent and honest with her. The past few years have been incredibly challenging for me, as my walk with God has tested me in ways I never anticipated, bringing to the surface things I didn’t even know were there.
Transparency: Adulting is Hard
During our conversation, I had to confront something I’d been avoiding. The last time she was in town, we had planned to meet up, but I canceled on her. The truth is, I canceled because I couldn’t face her. My life was not where I thought it would be, and I was embarrassed. I had gained weight, was financially unstable, and didn’t have any income. I was in a bad place—my aunt was sick, and I was struggling with my appearance, my emotions, and my overall situation. I didn’t want her to see me like that, so I told her I couldn’t meet up and promised we’d catch up next time.
As I shared this with her, I saw her eyes well up with tears. It was then that I realized how much I needed to be honest, not just with her, but with myself. This journey has been difficult, and adulting has been hard. I’ve known this friend since we were 12 or 13 years old, and we’ve been ride-or-die since freshman year of high school. She embraced and loved me even when I was consumed by insecurity, doubt, and anxiety—fears that I wasn’t where I was supposed to be in life.
Being in my 30s, still living at home with my mother and relying on her for everything, I felt ashamed; to be honest, that shame still creeps in from time to time. I believed I should be better off in life and the one taking care of my mom, that her money should be hers and mine should cover my responsibilities and hers. This shame led to anger with God. Why had He called me to this place? Why was I here, struggling? I felt stuck while my friend, who had moved out of California, gotten married, and had children, seemed to be moving forward.
"But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV)
Vulnerability Breeds More Vulnerability
But now, sitting across from my friend, being honest and truly myself, I was able to talk about this journey with God—the challenges, the pain, and the lessons. We reminisced about our younger days when we found a church together but were still out “running the streets,” not fully living for God. Now, as adults, we have a real conversation about faith and how God continually asks us to surrender our plans, our expectations, and our ideas to Him. No one told us how painful this walk would be, how it forces you to find joy in Him alone.
"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective." James 5:16 (NIV)
Surrender
All my life, I’ve known how to make moves, get things done, and succeed. I’m too educated, too smart to be in this situation, I thought. But God took all of that—every ounce of security I placed in my achievements—and stripped it away. I am both grateful and exhausted. This journey, this walk, and this conversation with my friend have been eye-opening. They’ve reminded me that I’m not alone and that true believers do suffer, but we can find joy and community in sharing our testimonies.
Looking back, I see how God has brought us and protected us throughout our entire lives, from high school to our 20s, where we partied and lived carefree in L.A. We built bonds and friendships that have endured for over 20 years, and that is a blessing. I’m grateful for the journey I’ve been on and the friendships I’ve accumulated. While we may not be in the same city anymore, and though we don’t talk every day, the familiarity and love remain.
"Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship." Romans 12:1 (NIV)
Accepting True Love
When I got out of the car and saw her, I burst into tears. I don’t cry often, but seeing her and embracing her healed a part of me. It reminded me that I am still loved and valued, not because of what I have or can give, but because of who I am. In this season, money can’t buy anything that truly matters. My friendships are not based on what I can contribute financially but on my presence, my heart, and my kindness.
God has been faithful, continuously reminding me that my value isn’t tied to my bank account, my ability to provide, my titles, or my career. It’s in the time I give, the love I share, and the person I am. My personality, my laughter, my voice—these are the gifts I bring to the table. It’s me showing up as myself that matters, and in that, God has allowed me to find healing and acceptance.
If no one has told you today: you are loved, you are valued, and you are accepted just as you are right now.
With Love,
Leandra
"Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23 (NIV)
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